Before I start, I don't understand why blogger doesn't allow you to password protect or make certain posts private. The fact they don't allow for this option kind of bothers me, but thankfully I know that very few people read this journal anyway.
Yesterday was a terrible day. There were parts of the day that went fine and others that were awful. I spent a lot of the day in and out of the house; going to see a movie with Courtney and then having dinner with some of my friends in the evening.
Things just felt off when I got home. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't conclusively put my finger on it. I avoided much contact with Brian and started to put up the Christmas tree. Push comes to shove, and we start arguing. It continued getting worse and I ended the argument feeling very sad and alone. Without going into too much detail, I knew exactly what was going on but got a lot of resistance when I pointed it out. He continued to make me feel stupid for being tempremental/hormonal/depressed and made me feel like the entire thing was my fault. The night was awful, even taking a Tylenol PM I got very little sleep.
He apologized for things today, taking responsiblity for the argument and the way I was feeling. But apologies seem so empty when you are already feeling so alone.
I've waivered today. Parts of me want to ignore him and make him feel bad and other parts of me just want to let it go and be comforted. I hate this part.
***
On a completely different note, the teacher they hired for my classroom (*the second one they've hired since I went part time) quit after less than a week. The other teacher lasted maybe 3 or 4 days. My assistant came back from maternity leave and complained to me every day, begging me to come back full time. I continued to explain to her my body/emotions just cannot handle working full time right now. Expecially in that classroom. I love those kids, I love my room...I just don't have the energy.
As it turns out, the center I work at is being audited and inspected by state. This means that every classroom must have a lead-certified teacher and be in ratio (for once). I negotiated with my boss and agreed to go back and work mornings, still working part time but one or two more hours a day, for the remainder of this month and december.
After the holidays I will be putting myself on bedrest. Not that I will spend all that much time in bed, I just would rather spend the last part of my pregnancy at home, relaxing.
I plan to stay long enough to let my assistant have the time to become certified to lead the classroom.
I know they appreciate my flexibility, and I have continued to try show them my appreciation for the days I just can't bear to pull myself out of bed. It's a screwed up place sometimes, but I know that overall it's more like a dysfunctional family.
About Me
- Dee
- Aurora, CO, United States
- Had my first child April 7th, 2008. I am a self employed freelance photographer, single mommy since 01/12, nanny, babysitter, substitute teacher, explorer, gamer and lover of life.
Ultrasound #2
Davin @ 20wks
1 comment:
So sorry to hear about the argument; pregnancy sucks in the fact that it amplifies everything. I feel you here. I felt very argumentative when I was pregnant, but didn't want to take any of it out on Patrick, as nothing was his fault. It's a good idea to "move on" and get that comfort you need; that's more important at this point, of the two options.
As for your work, kudos to you! Again, I wish I had that option when I was pregnant. Sorry to hear about those teachers quitting after such a short time; kids can take it out of you very quickly and easily; I worked at a Children's World by my house. I loved the kids too much to quit; I left because of the two women running the place.
I digress. I enjoy reading your baby blog and hope you don't mind the long-winded comments I make. Love you!
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