The Origin of an Overprotective Mommy

I'm not a girly girl, by any means. By that I mean I've never lived up to the stereotypical female image. Pink is not a color you can catch me in very often, I'm incredibly comfortable leaving the house without makeup and I spent most of my time as a child playing with action figures, not the plastic play kitchen my parents regretfully purchased for my 4th birthday.

Despite the fact I never daydreamed about prince charming and my wedding day, I did have moments where I imagined being a mother. Although I stayed adamant that I was, "NEVER HAVING CHILDREN!" I would catch myself wondering if I would change my mind and what kind of mother I would be.

As I got older, I became more comfortable with the idea I might want to have children...someday. Throughout my time studying to be a teacher, it started to make sense that I would eventually want to have kids of my own. I spent years perfecting my teaching style and persona in the classroom and I was always curious if my actions and attitudes about children in a carrer setting would be reflective of my "mothering" style (if you will).

It always bothered me when I felt like school rules were pushing the limits. My kindergarten class was not allowed to play on the jungle gym, the administrators were afraid they would fall off the top and hurt themselves. I remembered myself as a child, always climbing to the highest slide I could find and throwing myself down it over and over again. It seemed like these rules were restricting our children from taking risks and learning about saftey and consequences. Hell, it seemed like we were stifiling some of their fun.

Over the last month, I've gone through something I never expected. Okay, I'll admit, this started back in September. Because as everyone is well aware, Davin was not on the top of my "to do" list. But as I progressed in my pregnancy, I never imagined I would get sick or I would have to face life threatening circumstances. I never imagined myself strong enough to sit in the hospital time and time again, constantly being stabbed with huge needles and being forced to pee on demand. I guess it never really crossed my mind that pregnancy would ever be a bad thing for me.

So now as I'm nearing the end of this extremely emotional journey, I'm wondering what kind of effect it will have on the way I treat my child. Somehow, I'm starting to think my laid back attitude in the classroom won't follow me home. The pain, tears, fear and love I have continued to feel on a daily basis for this child has pushed me to the limits. In all honesty, it's hard to imagine NOT feeling a tad overprotective after all we've been through already.

Do traumatic pregnancies, births and other situations cause mothers to be overprotective of their children? The psychology of it makes sense.

Good lord, I'm imagining leaving Davin in the care of someone I don't know and it's giving me hives. I guess only time can tell what kind of mother I will be, but I'm certain that this pregnancy has taught me more than any other event in my life.